growing pains

This place has already changed me so much, I can feel it. The exotic smells of spices, the acrid stink of garbage and body odor, the very air itself is pungent and foreign and becoming familiar and evocative. I am inundated by sensory experiences, by intellectual possibilities and resources and new directions, by emotional tuggings...it is infiltrating even my dreams. I've been having a lot of nightmares, it is hard to protect oneself from the sights and sounds and smells. There's a blind man in the alleyway behind my building, but he's not one of those visually impaired people who have a dog and dark glasses...he just has no eyes. He grasps at the air around him, hoping that people will spare a few taka if his groping fingers can reach their hearts. There's another old man who has no legs. He grovels on the ground, contorting his bony hunched form into a bucket that holds the coins people throw at him. Sometimes the money spills out onto the ground. I don't know what he is saying, but he grimaces and makes the same sound over and over, it gets into your consciousness and his raspy voice sounds like a mix between broken glass and being dragged across gravel. One of the children at the school reached out for my hand to say hello, I saw he was missing some fingers. Yesterday in the marketplace, I was shopping to buy some shalwar kameez, and a girl came up to me holding a baby. She couldn't have been older than fifteen, and she didn't speak any English. She just gestured at her child, putting her bony hand to her mouth...she must have no food. The baby was screaming, snot and tears making runnels in the dirt on its face. I don't know whether it was a boy or girl, because it only wore rags that slid off its shoulder in tatters.
It is hard to know how to be here, what to do. I don't want to become numb, but I can't escape these children's big brown eyes even in my sleep. I want you to watch this documentary, it is only about fifteen minutes long and it's about homeless children on the streets of a city in India. It makes their stories and circumstances real, accessible--it gives you a good idea of the truth. What I am holding onto is its message of hope, and showing tangible ways to help. Here's the link: http://www.pbs.org/teachers/connect/resources/5499/preview/

Besides the fact that being here ruptures any kind of emotional barrier I can cling to, things are going extremely well. I am making great friends amongst the teachers, and getting to know the students as well. They impress me so much, and I value every conversation I have with them. I am supposed to serve as a role model and mentor for them, but I feel like there is little I can offer; instead, I am learning so much that I can feel my mind's stretchmarks as I try to take everything in...

I'll tell you about some of the projects I am taking on: the most time-consuming so far is that I am actually getting to teach a class! I'm helping a teacher named Mary, who actually graduated from Bryn Mawr in '05, and it is her reading and writing class. Today, we discussed the link between poverty an education, privilege and responsibility. The class meets for two hours a day, so we also had time to discuss grammatical points like parallel construction, and vocabulary (I get to teach them so many words! They soak it up like water in sand). We are also working on paraphrasing techniques, which will help with their research papers; I thought of the prompt--identify a problem in your native country (there are Bangladeshi, Indian, Pakistani, Cambodian, and Sri Lankan students in the class), research the causes and widespread effects, delineate what others have suggested as possible solutions, and using personal experiences and opinions, suggest a course of action. I feel so lucky to get to work with them, they are brilliant and sweet and receptive...I also have been holding office hours, and they come to me for tutoring on their papers and essays. The part I am most excited about is their journal entries, which I will be pairing with my photo-narrative. I am going to photograph each girl in the class (there are eleven), and each will pick a journal entry they've written or write a new one to pair with their picture. These paragraphs will be about their hopes and goals, past experiences and traumas. I hope I can bring the slideshow back home, and it will be as inspiring for other people as it is for me to hear their stories.
I am also working with two other teachers, both named Fatema. For one of them, I will be a guest lecturer in her Leadership and Communication skills class, and we came up with the idea of explaining how art and other visual representations can further one's message. I'll be focusing on activist and political art that is geared toward human rights awareness. The other Fatema and I are going to be team-teaching a two-week unit in her Listening and Presentation class; this will probably end up being an arts and culture unit, using fine arts, poetry, and music as the mode to examine the themes they've studied all semester. I am excited to use my knowledge about these things in a productive way, that will actually make a difference.
I am also continuing to be involved in Tamanna's capacity-building course, teaching at the school. There are some exciting new developments, including starting a class for the cleaning staff themselves, and expanding into another neighborhood called Tiger Pass. I'm also advising the Curriculum and Finance Committees; they are in essence setting up a mini-administration for their school system. We are making budgets, reimbursement forms, and syllabi and lesson plans for each of the three age groups (5-7, 8-11, 12-15). When we visited the school, we were treated like a godsend...the parents pressed upon us some Sprite and snacks (which they really cannot afford), and made us sit and relax while they hovered over us, making sure we were comfortable in their meager surroundings. I had my camera, and they were so happy that I could take photographs of them and their children. I am going to make hard copies of all their pictures, and they told me (translated, obviously, because they don't know any English), that each photograph will have a place of honor in their homes.
Another project I am working on is remedial English tutoring sessions, for the ten Access Academy students that were sharply below proficiency on their exit exams. It's only twice a week, but I know several of the students already, and they are very sweet. They are so nervous, because if they don't complete the tutoring sessions, they will not be able to progress to undergraduate studies. I have never seen test anxiety like what is prevalent in this culture, even at Bryn Mawr during finals!
I'm getting to join some of their activities and clubs, which are really great. I'm going to guitar club later this evening, and the others I'm interested in are yoga and bellydancing. I'm also helping the yearbook with their photography.
I'm also still meeting with the Afghani students, about their workshop that they are holding in Tehran this summer. It is a fifteen day course on goal-setting and implementation (through education, micro-finance, etc), and they got a grant to do it. The project itself is exciting, but even more so, their enthusiasm is infectious. I had an hour long discussion with them that was fascinating--all about the relations between America and Afghanistan, and our respective views on our country's governments, and the dynamics between them. We also talked about what it is like to grow up in the US versus Afghanistan; I really bonded with them. They begged me to come to their home next summer, to continue to help them with this project. Maybe I'll be able to do it! They also told me that if I get homesick, I should never be lonely...I should think of them as my sisters and I am welcome anytime. It really touched me, as did the email they sent me right afterwards:

Dear Ms Sarah,

It is our pleasure and honor, thanks alot.

We will wait for the day that we know eachother more and more.

Bests

Afghan Students

So, although being here is so difficult in many ways (lack of comfort, sickness, culture shock, poverty), there are so many things that make me feel like my time is worthwhile. I can feel myself growing and learning all the time...